Two days ago, I stood against the cement countertop of our makeshift kitchen here in White River, South Africa, and opened my laptop to start a new blog about our ministry in a new continent. Instead, I opened it, and saw the words no human being ever wants to see.
Harddrive corrupted. Imminent failure.
My thoughts instantly split off down two separate pathways.
First - DRAMATIC, MICROSOFT.
Second - Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Noooooooo. No, no, no.
It wouldn't even start.
And as I stood there and continued to stare blankly at the flickering keyboard and listen to it's unnatural whirring noise, I knew I had to make a choice.
My heart asks my head this every time something inconvenient happens lately:
"Is this okay? Can I live without [whatever it is]?"
Strangely, the answer has always been "Yes."
So far on the Race, I've had money stolen, had an ATM eat my debit card, and had my new designer camera bag ripped in transit from Atlanta to Istanbul. All of these things were deeply inconvenient, but that was all they were. They were just things.
The concept of daily bread was nothing I had ever heard of, let alone lived by, prior to coming on the World Race.
I blame this partly on my own self, and in part on the model of excess our culture has sold to us.
We don't want to be in want. You and I demonstrate this attitude in ways that we don't even realise - we carry our charger for our iPhones so that they never go dead and leave us in want of communication. We carry multiple cards, in case we want to make purchases that exceed our cash on hand. We go shopping for out-of-season clothing before the season arrives. We talk to multiple guys or girls at the same time, so that we don't want for companionship if one person fails to hold our interest or lets us down.
Last month in Macedonia, God introduced me to the concept of daily bread; or, the attitude of accepting and being concerned only about what you need for that day. It started when we had a much smaller food budget for the week, and I found myself needing to use personal spending money to bridge the gap. This made me more uncomfortable than probably anything else I've done on the Race so far. (I get real weird about food, guys.) And not having enough food on hand for several days in advance filled me with sheer fear.
What if I run out?
What if there won't be enough?
The very next day, Tabitha and I took a walk to a coffee shop in our little town to grab some internet and catch up with our families. Within moments, a woman with silver hair and large, bright eyes leaned over to us and asked, "Are you girls from America?"
Her name was Nady, and she was a guardian angel.
A handful of hours later, our entire team sat cozied up in her apartment while she ordered us pizza. As we sat sharing stories and laughing until our cheeks hurt, she sat upright and said, "I want you girls to give me a list. Anything you need, or think you'll need for Africa - give it to me. And don't be shy."
Well, we were shy. But again the request came - "Where is your list?! What do you need? Let me help."
Several days later, I stood watching containers of dried fruit, batteries, nuts, mosquito cream and tank tops glide down the faded black checkout line belt. "Thank you, Jesus," I whispered. "Thank you, thank you."
I never in a thousand years anticipated meeting this woman. What she did for me was an answer to an unprayed prayer.
I am making up my mind right now that not having a laptop, or now any kind of personal technology, will be okay. It will be okay.
For the first three months of my Race, I had internet basically whenever I wanted it, and was able to communicate, write and browse without a thought that it might to always be that way. No longer being able to do those things we be a huge bummer - and it will probably make my ability to talk to friends and family, blog, and share my journey with you as a Story-Leader a whole lot harder.
But I want to be a girl who is willing to do hard things. And not just because I've been backed into a corner, or dealt a lousy hand. I want to side-step the frustration of inconvenience with grace. I want to jump over hurdles without the fear of falling and without waiting for a safety net.
I have absolutely no idea why God's plan for me involved me buying a laptop, only to have it fail after 5 months. But I know that everything happens for a reason, and I know that He has a plan.
I am not going to worry about potentially spending the next 7.5 months of my Race without technology, because today doesn't demand that kind of worry. With all my heart I believe that if I'm supposed to have a means of communication, God will miraculously resurrect my hard drive, gift me with some new technology, or stretch me in my ability to ask people to borrow things.
No matter what, He will give me exactly what I need - and whatever that is, it will be perfect, and it will be enough.