1. Toilet paper is not a right.
2. To attain peanut butter is worth any cost or sacrifice.
3. No, there is no schedule.
4. When stranded on the side of the road, approaching cars at a nearby gas station and negotiating the price of a ride to ministry is acceptable.
5. Giraffes are friends, not food.
6. 2 Rand and 2 Rand cents are not the same thing.
7. Things are given and taken away. Like the Wifi.
8. You can always fit one more person in the van.
9. Children will be confused when your tattoos don’t rub off.
10. Team time = tick checks and swatting termites with pans.
11. You listen to the weather channel just to remember what it sounds like to hear someone speak in perfect English.
12. Old women chase you off cement steps, shouting that your sitting on them will somehow destroy your fertility.
13. When dressed in refugee reject clothing, don’t be surprised if you yourself are also mistaken as a refugee.
14. “Doing laundry” consists of swirling your clothes around in gray, soapy water for five minutes.
15. Should you decide to launder and hang your down sleeping bag, odds are it will be left in a thunderstorm and blown into the dirt road. At which time a squamate will say, “What is that red lump in the road?” To which you will reply, “I think that was my bed.”
16. Every old women’s unmarried son is supposedly your future husband.
17. Flight attendants will not understand when your reaction to the airplane food is, “This is the best meal I’ve eaten in three months!”
18. Whether or not the water at restaurants is free is always the source of imaginative speculation.
19. The only time you will be truly alone is when you are in a closed bathroom stall. Sometimes, you go into a bathroom stall for this very reason...
...but you love your ridiculous, dirty family of 44 other nomads just the same.
LOVE YOU Y SQUAD.