Disclaimer: You may quickly reach a point while reading this blog where you think to youself, "Ahh, I know where this blog is going." However, God often writes the script of my life a lot like an M. Night Shyamalan movie: you really just don't ever know how it's going to end. I want to walk you through this particular blog-story in the exact sequence that it happened to me, in real-time, if that's alright.
(Hey, thanks for showing up this afternoon. I'm so glad you're here.)
This is a story...
It's a Tuesday evening in Georgetown, Malaysia, and God cuts through the end-of-day chatter and Bach cello suite rotations to tell me a small piece of news.
Go back to Greece.
I don't know how reading this just made you feel, but personally, I felt like God must've been short-staffed. Was I excited? Yes - but mostly feeling like He had, uh - forgotten how many other things He'd already told me to do.
Heyyyy there, God. There is a lot you've put on my plate. Bed and breakfast, book, now Greece? You sure you don't want to....I don't know, delegate a little more?
I tried to do what I've been guilty of many times in the past: asking God to confirm it through the words of others. But unlike the confirmation of the past, this time, his response was different.
You know the sound of my voice, Kayla, He said. Just listen.
Four days pass. I have trouble falling asleep for three of them. I get nervous any time I hear the words "go" and "pita bread". I find myself awake and online at 1 am Google searching flights to Athens for reasons I don't understand.
Still, I ignore it.
Friday afternoon, I get an email from the Powers-that-Be at Adventures. All of this happens in the middle of team time. So as Felicia is earnestly answering questions regarding her worst middle school hairstyle, I scan the email over with nervous enthusiasm, reading it several times before silently setting down my iPad.
The conversation lulls for a moment. I slowly, awkwardly raise my hand. (Not a requirement during team time. Not a requirement since fifth grade.)
"Sorry to interrupt - and this has absolutely nothing to do with the correct topic of conversation" (my hand still mid-air) - "but, I was just offered a Marketing internship with Adventures."
I explain the situation: I would be moving to Gainesville, Georgia, as part of a small, private program called The Fellowship. As the Marketing Fellow, I'd work alongside my mentor Meghan to collaborate on media projects, mentor CGA interns in Storyteller creative practices, edit the intern's books, and write a book, all while being intensively discipled in workplace leadership and professionalism.
Recruitment only. Like Special Ops. I briefly wonder if I'd have to wear a uniform.
Everyone reacts with just the right amount of excitement, surprise and "GET IT, GIRL."
So...why was I not excited?
Fast-forward three hours. Our team is at the Penang Prayer Room for a 4-hour midnight worship session. The worship leader, Josh, slows the set and talks to the room for a moment. "I don't know why, but in this moment, I believe that God has people he wants to send to specific nations. We are going to pray for those places right now."
My chest is gripped. Images of the internship email flash behind my eyes, and my stomach drops again. As the music starts to play, I weave through the room to the 15-foot wallpaper world map, picking out the speck that is Lesvos island in an instant. Leaning onto the wall, forehead pressed against the Indian Ocean, I cover Greece with my hand and begin to pray through clenched teeth.
Alright, God. Alright. I don't want to. I don't see a way. But if you want me to...I'll go. I'll go.
For a moment, nothing happens. Then, I feel the familiar promoting. The internship comes into my mind's eye, and the voice I've come to so easily recognize says just two words:"Next step."
Instantly, peace floods my heart. I feel Aubrey move in next to me, her hand finding mine on the map, gently pushing her fingers between mine and squeezing.
I return to my spot on the floor, searching for something to write on. On the back of a receipt for a cheese panini and a black Americano, I write the words, "God told me I'm going back to Greece. + the internship is the 'next step'." I set it on her knee and go sit down. A minute later, I look up and see her tripping over herself as she runs at me, sliding down onto my spot on the floor like a baseball player coming across home plate.
"KAYLA. Kayla Kayla Kayla!" She grabs both my hands. "He told me I'm going back, too. I'm going back to film it!"
THE NEXT DAY.
I'm chilling (figuratively, of course - nobody chills in monsoon-season Asia) with Felicia in the closet of a teacher's langue at our Burmese refugee school. She makes a comment that I almost miss.
"So my friend Jocelyn was invited to the Fellowship, but she's really on the fence about having to raise $12,000 to do it."
I turn to her with steely eyes and ask just one thing: "I'm sorry. WHAT?"
Peace = GONE.
Gone with the wind, gone like yesterday's application of deodorant. 86'd. Ciao.
I don't remember much of what happened the next hour, other than I was furious. You tricked me! I aimed my thoughts at God like poison-tipped darts. This is not what I was made to believe this was! I need to fundraise? We've talked about this! I want to be generous, not back in the fundraising boat!
I tumbled in through our door that same afternoon and banged out an email with the the subject line, "Insert Jeopardy Song Here".
SOS SOS SOS. I need to talk right now!!!! (Cliff notes version.)
And then I waited.
Bless them - they quickly called me back. I had a long conversation, in which I asked 27 pre-arranged questions and took pages of notes. By the time we hung up, I was only sure of two things: 1. I didn't understand why it made sense to do it, and 2. That I absolutely needed to obey and do it.
I wrote a blog about the few days that followed, and the days leading up to my final interview. Everything within me was at war.
This makes no sense. I know the things you've called me to do. Shouldn't You be encouraging me to do THOSE things? Why this first? Are you sure the internship is the "next step"? God, can I trust you?
The final interview was me sitting alone in a chair in a dim room, time zones away, our 2001 Samsung team phone pressed against my sweaty cheek.
I found myself saying things I didn't know I wanted to say.
Also, saying things I was immediately certain would label me a candidate unfit for the program.
I was asked what I felt called to do with my life.
Open a bed and breakfast, and return to Greece.
She asked what I was hoping to get out of The Fellowship, and what skills I needed to open my bed and breakfast.
"Honestly?" I said. "I don't know anything. I don't know accounting, marketing, or property ownership. I don't even think I have credit. I have a vision for what I want, but I don't know how to get there."
I could hear the smile in her voice, the well-practiced reassurance of someone having stood at the edge of many alumni's eager, formless dream.
"Kayla, The Fellowship exists for people like you, who have a vision. You come to us for eight months, and by investing in our dream for a little while, we disciple you to learn and grow in your ability to establish your own dream."
The very last thing I did before making it official was reach out to a long-term volunteer stationed on Lesvos. A little over a month ago, I saw a Facebook update that he was looking to purchase a hotel on the island, with the intention of transforming it into a hotel and retreat center for the volunteers assisting the refugee crisis. I couldn't ignore the similarities. I had to tell him my B&B dream, and ask if he was serious about his.
He messaged me back. He told me that if I ever wanted to come and help him, I was more than welcome, and that he planned on pursuing that dream. But not for another 8 months to a year from now.
Before I go, let me tell you exactly what The Fellowship is, and how I need you in this next season.
Approximately 10 out of every 300 alumni Racers are recruited for this program. Each Fellow is chosen for a displayed aptitude in a particular area (logistics, leadership, creativity, women's ministry) and paired one-on-one with a current AIM staff member in a corresponding department for the entirety of the program.
As a Fellow at Adventures, I'll be working Monday-Friday in the marketing department, under the intentional mentorship of my Storyteller coach. I'll collaborate with current marketing projects, assistant manage Adventures online blog, help CGA Storyteller interns write and edit the first draft of their books, write a book myself, and receive personal coaching into the financial and marketing side of running a business.
It's the next step in my ministry. It's a season for me to take everything I've learned about living a better story, and teach the next generation of Racers and alumni. It's a season for applying my skills and being allowed to truly flourish in my God-given callings.
It's everything I never knew to ask for.
In order to participate in the program, God and I need to raise the grand total of $12,000.
But this go-around is very different than the last one, because I've already seen Him do this. I'm still on the World Race, still walking out this dream come true. And I know that as long as I'm walking in His will, I'll be wholly provided for. I'm not afraid.
The costs break down like this.
* Housing (Fellows will live in community together)
* Program costs and curriculum (books, instructors, lessons)
* Monthly living stipend (personal bills, insurance, groceries)
* One leadership event during the program.
Have my stories blessed you over the last nine months? If your answer is a yes, I'm going to invite you to partner with me and my ministry. God isn't finished using me yet. This writing gig - it's only just begun. There is so much I want to teach and give to the next wave of Racers. You can financially support this next step in my ministry the same way you supported me on the Race; just click the bar at the top of this blog.
And please, feel free to message me with ANY questions. I'll be writing many more blogs about this in the days to come - but right now, I want to be where my feet are. And my feet are currently in Month Nine. Not a moment before or after.
That said - I need to put this 1,817 word baby to bed. Also, myself.
I'll be back in Detroit on Monday, July 25. I'll be moving into my apartment in Gainesville to begin interning and Storytelling on September 16.
Are you in?